A bit of a scattered late night entry
it's not always the easiest thing to put words down when you're not quite sure what you want to say. It can be even more difficult when you try to hide the words because just the thought of them makes you feel weak.
Today I worked for 13 hours - on a 'day off' it might seem crazy but it can be a distraction. I then was awake for an hour doing nothing before trying to type some words.
People often ask me why I work a lot or why I keep busy, I've had people mistakenly call me hard working (that's not to say I'm not when I'm focused and enjoying what I'm doing)
The truth is it's a distraction.
Sometimes the easiest way to hide from things in life is to be distracted from it.
Last night I went out for a meal with some people from work, of whom I knew very few. When I pulled up in the car it took me 20 mins to get out, when I popped out to get cash to pay for my drinks I almost left because what I was feeling was a feeling of being scared and then on top of that feeling stupid for feeling scared. It's a feeling I've come to know too well.
There are days where I'm the most unmotivated person in the world and days when even getting out of bed in the morning is a struggle and only those closest to me know that.
Theres plenty of times when I want to have the motivation to run on 3 hours sleep every night and achieve more but the reality is that I beat myself up for not being able to. It's not something new but it's new for me to start addressing it and tackle it. The reasoning is simple, the feelings get worse so address them, distracting myself by being busy is working less and less.
The whole reason behind me wanting to record my music and to put things out there is entirely selfish, it's another distraction and the ability to draw a line under a time. It's a way for me to tell stories, much as this blog is.
I get to meet people who find things much harder than I do and I feel sorry for them, I also meet people that light up the world. Just knowing that people can deal with what happens in the world is enough to motivate something.
Sometimes the smallest of actions is enough to tell someone it'll be alright. Never stop believing in you because someone else always does too. Sometimes the day seems too much to handle but that's just today.
When my generation was told we could be whatever we want or do anything we want to do we were lied to but that does't mean we can't have one amazing adventure trying to do it.
Some of us work 3 jobs because we're hard working
Some of us work too much to have money to do what we want
Some of us work as a distraction
Some of us work towards the bigger picture
Some of us work for the first steps
Some of us work.
Chase your dreams even if you don't know what they are yet.